democracyforcalifornia.com

LET THEM EAT SMOKE

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CALIFORNIA ARISTOCRACY INCONVENIENCED BY FIRES

STARS TRAUMATIZED: SOME LOST STUFF

Several Regular People May Have Been Roasted Alive (Ho-Hum)

Mansions and palazzo's, estates and compounds, luxurious beachfront bungalows and quaint canyon hideaways were all suddenly violently approached by something that has no respect for fame or fortune: Fire. Actors and directors, producers and television "personalities" abruptly found themselves in the exact same position as commoners. Only their native noblesse oblige, and a boost from the mainsteam media, got them through it. Star quality, you might call it!

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Even as the little people (those without an agent, a publicist or even a single screen credit) were sent running like terrified beasts, Hollywood's immortals set a higher standard, issuing press releases and giving exclusive interviews. California's action-star Governor even made a cameo appearance, frowning convincingly over some ordinary folks' ashen homes. Always thinking of the next election, that one! It's the role of a lifetime for the Austrian-born bodybuilder! And he's playing it to the hilt! Break a leg, Governator!

As sad as it was to see the rabble behaving like, well, rabble, scenes from a really quality picture were being played out on the desirable side of the mountains. Starlets rescuing lhasa apsos. Last year's hunk pushing his Porsche out of harm's way. Next year's hunk giving him a push. Aging diva's in full makeup in the fiery dawn, directing their dark-skinned help in the work of salvaging Oscars, Emmy's and Tony's from years gone by. Scenes that represent the best of our culture, really.

Now that the fires are subsiding, there is some concern that the poor, those earning less than six figures, may have been hit harder than previously thought. Not much time was spent shooting their burning hovels. They are so very unphotogenic, almost purposefully so, that they only have themselves to blame for that. And for not being able to afford beachfront property, which rarely burns. Several celebrities pledged to donate their autographs for sale by a fund to buy these unfortunates a modicum of plastic surgery, or liposuction, at least. Next time, maybe they'll make the front page.

EXAMINER.COM
"Fire destroys celeb homes"
Why would God want to burn a celebrity's house down? (Unless it was Britneys'.)

' TMZ has reported that a massive wildfire is sweeping through the town of Montecito, CA where Oprah, Rob Lowe and many other multi-million dollar homes that belong to celebrities. So far more than 50 houses and other structures have burned to the ground. TMZ hasn't reported any homes belonging to celebrities to be dstroyed. How is it that other homes are getting dsetroyed, but none of them belong to celebrities? '

CNN
"Actor on destroyed home: 'It's amazing, it's just gone'"
"Celebrity neighborhood"? I hate ethnic stereotyping! (Rev. Jim sounds all busted up about the fire, hunh? "Boy, look at that, Latka!")

' The "Back to the Future" and "Taxi" star showed ABC's "Good Morning America" what remained of his $11 million home in the exclusive celebrity neighborhood northwest of Los Angeles. "Boy, look at that," Lloyd said as he approached the rubble. "All this happens in a couple of minutes." Lloyd's home was among dozens of homes lost in wildfires in Southern California. '

PEOPLE MAGAZINE
"Rob Lowe Describes Dramatic Evacuation from Wildfire"
"Armageddon," except none of your stuff gets destroyed, and you don't get killed. (It's almost as "dramatic" as getting in your car and driving away. Which was all Rob actually did.)

' The wildfire raging near Santa Barbara, Calif., has sent thousands of people fleeing their homes, among them Brothers & Sisters star Rob Lowe. "It was just like Armageddon," the actor tells KABC-TV. Lowe's home was not damaged, nor were Douglas's or Winfrey's, according to reports. '

NBC NEWS NYC
"SoCal Fire Threatens Celebrity Enclave"
Thank God their publicists weren't hurt! (Otherwise, we might never have known that those homes, which DID NOT BURN, have great views.)

' Montecito's multimillion homes have ocean views and have attracted celebrities such as Michael Douglas, Lowe and Winfrey, who owns a 42-acre estate. The landmark Montecito Inn was built in the 1920s by Charlie Chaplin and Fatty Arbuckle, and the nearby San Ysidro Ranch was the honeymoon site of John F. Kennedy in 1953. Publicists for Lowe and Winfrey told the AP the celebrities' homes had not been destroyed and neither was not staying in the area Thursday night. '

CHICAGO SUN-TIMES
"Winfrey's California estate not damaged from raging wildfire"
Yes, when an entire community is devastated, our first concern should always be the dogs. Then the roasted children. Then the silver. (Oprah didn't want her prize Borzoi's dragging barbequed human body parts in from the poor neighbourhoods.)

' Winfrey said her first concern if she were there would have been to get her dogs to safety. "I don't have kids, so the most important thing for me is my dogs," Winfrey said. "And so we already had a plan for getting the dogs out and going to the Four Seasons in Westlake because they take dogs." '

GOOGLE NEWS
"Residents return to devastated LA mobile home park"
Oh, shoot! Sorry, thought this was about Beverly Hills! (Just a bunch of nobodies whining. Why do they even put this on TV, or in the papers? Sheesh! MORE CELEBRITY GOSSIP!!! MORE CELEBRITY GOSSIP!!! MORE CELEBRITY GOSSIP!!! PLEASE!!!)

' Stacks of charred bricks, blackened shells of cars and burned tree trunks were all that remained Monday in much of the community some residents once called the "Beverly Hills of mobile home parks." The mostly retired residents returned to see what was left of their homes at Oakridge Mobile Home Park, where winds with hurricane intensity blew a wall of fire through hundreds of manufactured homes and set them ablaze so quickly that even firefighters had to drop their hoses and run. "It looks like a war zone — no trees, no buildings," said Michele Warneck, 54, who burst into tears after returning from the park. She had watched her two-bedroom house burn on the television news. "Everything that was porcelain just blew up." Once considered a paradise with swimming pools and tennis courts, the park was now roamed by cadaver-sniffing dogs in search of anyone who didn't escape. That search ended Monday afternoon with investigators finding no evidence anyone perished. The inferno destroyed 484 homes in the park Saturday. Firefighters were able to save about 120 homes, but many were badly damaged and the park is flattened except for charred trees with blackened branches bent in one direction by the hot winds. Twisted metal foundations and pipes are all that is left of many homes. "It's gone," said Ed Hurdle, 82, after taking one of the first park tours. "The car is gone. The house is gone. It's twisted metal. It's totally charred there. There's no hope at all. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing." Neighbors huddled together inside the gymnasium, which has been turned into a Red Cross shelter for evacuees, hugging each other and comparing notes about what they saw and what they were able to salvage. "It's a disaster. It looks like Hiroshima," said Joan Costa, carrying plastic bags filled with makeup and medicines she had pulled from her home. '

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Posted by Cosa Nostradamus at November 18, 2008 12:03 AM